18:00 - Dear fingers, I apologise in advance for wearing you down to the bone, but three games in a row with alternates = a lot of work for you. The over-under on Kevin Cadle's "ball game" quotes is standing at fourteen for the Pats/Jets game alone, and thanks to the marvel that is Sky Digital, I'll be switching between the two games whenever I feel like it; that said, the Pats/Jets involves me a hell of a lot more than Miami/Washington because, with the trading of Ronnie Brown, I don't care about the Dolphins anymore. Surprisingly, someone gave me Maurice Jones-Drew straight up for the guy, in a keeper league. Hell yes.
Right now, the following players are fantasy targets for me. Tom Brady is the most obvious one, he's playing on two of my teams, but I benched Laveranues Coles in favour of Santonio Holmes just before the game, a decision I'm now regretting because I'm just hearing that Asante Samuel is now not playing. I have Ben Watson with the Spanish Inquisition, the Patriots tight end, Stephen Gostkowski is a Saint and Adalius Thomas is a Christ Puncher. And don't worry, I'll only be doing the length of this and maybe Miami/Washington as well.
18:07 - Thanks Addy, he gets a pass deflection credit and it helps because Jerricho Cotchery misses the first down by only a yard on the third-and-long.
18:08 - Hah. Starting the Broncos looks like a good call, they've apparently already sacked J.P. Losman once.
18:11 - Uh-oh. Ben Roethlisberger I chose to bench for the Knights, and I say uh-oh because he's just hit Hines Ward for an early touchdown. Here's hoping Jay Cutler delivers.
18:13 - Brady to Welker almost picks up a first, and how many times is that going to happen this year? Meanwhile, Travis Henry has himself thirty yards rushing already, and Carolina are up 7-0 on St. Louis; bring on Bulger.
18:16 - Randy Moss gets his first reception and it's a beauty - he does a neat move to shake his coverage before the ball's even thrown and also gets a handful of yards after the catch. It takes the Pats into the red zone.
18:17 - The Steelers' defense makes a pick off Charlie Frye, and apparently both Buffalo and Green Bay have scored, against Denver and Philadelphia respectively. And I have both of those defenses starting. Ah.
18:20 - Three times right now, of Brady's four completions three have been to Wes Welker including that one for a touchdown. Pats 7 - 0 Jets, off a 91-yard drive in total. Also, I like point-per-receptions, because it means Sidney Rice might get some points; the Vikes are 7-0 up against Atlanta.
18:23 - Turns out it wasn't Buffalo's offense that provided the touchdown, it was Roscoe Parrish returning a punt for a touchdown. Ditto Green Bay, that was White returning a recovered fumble into the endzone. Speaking of fumbles, the Jets almost screwed themselves over by fumbling, but recovered it successfully.
18:26 - Nick Barnett earns me some points, he makes an interception off Donovan McNabb and I'm hoping that does indeed count for a linebacker.
18:27 - Bulger to Holt for a touchdown pass, is there anything sweeter? The Rams tie the game up 7-7 against the Patriots, and those are some much-appreciated points.
18:30 - THE CLEATED CRUSHER scored himself a field goal against Philadlphia, apparently he's not completely useless as the Packers go 10-0 up. Here, Stallworth sees his first throw, gets it and gets out of bounds.
18:33 - I benched Jon Kitna for Matt Schaub, thinking that Kitna would get eaten alive by Nnamdi Asomugha and company, but Schaub just got intercepted by someone on the Chiefs defense.
18:36 - The first BALL GAME of the night is overshadowed by the fact that the benched Chester Taylor has more points than both Jones-Drew and Willie Parker right now. Pennington just got crushed on third down, and I think Mike Vrabel gets the credit for it. I'm a little concerned now about Reggie Brown, he hasn't even got a single catch in this first quarter.
18:39 - Jacksonville are up 7-3 against Tennessee, courtesy of David Garrard hooking up with Groussard, it's also still a seven-nothing BALL GAME here as the first quarter ends Patriots 7 - 0 Jets.
18:41 - We're back in the second quarter, it's still a seven-nothing BALL GAME. Hoo bloody ray.
18:44 - Great. Roethlisberger has his second touchdown pass of the night, to Santonio Holmes and Pittsburgh is up 17-0. Still, every cloud has it's silver lining and Brett Favre gets picked off by the Eagles' Sheldon Brown. And goddamn, the Steelers defense recovers a fumble as well.
18:49 - Cassel goes all Romo on me as he flubs the field goal snap, meaning Gostkowski gets no chance to work hismagic and it remains 7-0 to the Pats.
18:52 - Chad Pennington hits Coles right between the numbers for an 18-yard gain, and I'm most interested in Coles' performance because of him and Santonio Holmes; he's thankfully losing at the moment, but gets another first down when he's left open. Buffalo's defense is sadly being stout and restricting both Jay Cutler and Travis Henry, and it seems playing Roethlisberger would have been a better idea now.
18:54 - Damn, that was impressive; Pennington, just after being sacked once, gets chased down by the Pats' line but hucks it to Leon Washington on an emergency screen and the running back almost gets the first - it was second-and-17, for comparison. Elsewhere, David Akers made his field goal but it got nullified by an offensive holding penalty; never to be deterred, he made it again on the second attempt and put the Eagles on the scoreboard.
18:58 - Aw, shit, Coles might not have taken the lead but he did outwit Rosevelt Colvin and he got into the end-zone successfully, turning this into a 7-7 BALL GAME. What I want to know is where the fuck Jones-Drew has been so far, he's had one attempt and lost yards in it.
19:02 - MATT SCHAUB~ delivers for the Texans and me alike, he and Andre Johnson team up for a 77-yard touchdown that I LOVE the sound of. I told someone who backed Kansas City over them that he'd made amistake, and they're proving me right but good.
19:04 - Brady sees he's getting no love from the coverage, rushes forward for four yards and a first, something I am more than pleased about. Incidentally, Schaub's sitting on 152 yards through the air so far for 10 points, and Brady now unleashes a beautiful pass to Randy Moss for a clutch of yards.
19:08 - In case you didn't already know, it's still a 7-7 BALL GAME, and we're being treated to an over-long shot of Mangini and Belichick just standing there. In near-silence from the commentators. And speaking of completions, Moss now has 87 yards off four receptions including the one he just made. I don't know about you, but this would be a fucking nice time for Ben Watson to pop up and make a goal-line touchdown catch.
19:10 - The Jets call a time-out after two unsuccessful Lawrence Maroney runs up the middle, and I don't why they're tarting about with this shit.
19:13 - They come back from the time-out and Tom Brady loves me; they stop tarting about with that shit and he wings it to Ben Watson. Five yards, touchdown otherfuckers. Interestingly, it's still in the first half and Pittsburgh have an interception, two fumble recoveries and FIVE sacks on the Browns.
19:15 - I think I just vomited in my mouth a little at the prospect, no matter how stupid, of the Buffalo Bills being moved to London and becoming the London Bills. Apparently Watson's catch is under review, so it's either a 7-7 or a 14-7 BALL GAME.
19:16 - IT'S A TOUCHDOWN. Patriots 14 - 7 Jets.
19:17 - David Akers makes the extra point to tie up Philadelphia and Green Bay, thanks to Donovan McNabb and Jason Avant geting the touchdown. Pennington gets sacked, but there's a penalty called on the Jets, offensive holding, that's declined. Guess it counted.
19:20 - Damon Huard, welcome to your life. He just got intercepted by Dunta Robinson, and who expected the Texans to have such a stout defense?
19:21 - The Sky coverage switches straight to the Skins/Phins game (it's still a14-7 BALL GAME at the Meadowlands) in time for Trent Green to hit someone with a touchdown pass as the clock expires and give Miami the lead going into the locker room. I could TRY to care less, but I don't think I'll have much luck.
19:23 - Halftime at Buffalo, who're still up 7-6; Travis Henry has 65 yards on ten attempts, but Lynch isn't having any luck with only 29 yards against the Broncos' front seven. St. Louis must have kicked a field goal right at the death, because they're beating the Panthers 10-7, Miami are up 7-3 like I said and Houston are still 10-0 up. Atlanta are losing 7-0 to Minnesota, although quite how is amazing considering Tarvaris Jackson has just 40 yards, and Jacksonville are winning 10-6 over Tennessee.
19:27 - Pittsburgh are obviously still playing because they extended their lead over Cleveland to 17-0 with a field goal from Jeff Reed.
19:28 - Why the fuck has Reggie Brown still not managed a single catch? Is he even playing?
19:30 - Fucking hell. Charlie Frye's left the Cleveland/Pittsburgh game, and I know this because Derek Anderson just got sacked, fumbled the ball and lost it. For those keeping score at home, that's an interception, three fumble recoveries and six sacks. :D
19:33 - It was Justin Peel who got the Miami touchdown, but it wasn't in this BALL GAME. The Jets' 100 total yards against 244 for New England does not spell good news.
19:35 - Huh. 108-yard kickoff return for Ellis Hobbs, but we missed the first seconds because of a technical arsing up. Turns out it was a history-maker - 108 yards is apparently the longest return ever, and I'm looking at the replay in awe because Hobbs was spectacular on that. Patriots 21 - 7 Jets. The previous record was 106 yards, held by three people and last seen in 1979 for Roy Green of the St. Louis Cardinals. The More You Know!
19:39 - Thomas Jones has had 7 rushing attempts and 5 yards. This does not bode well for the Jets, does it?
19:40 - HOLY SHIT, Mario Williams has apparently done something kickass. He didn't force the fumble on Webb, but he did recover it and make the 42-yard fumble return touchdown. He's also benched. Goddammit. The Texans are now 17-0 up. Also, Washington are in the lead thanks to Clinton Portis' 15-yard run, it's 10-7 there.
19:44 - lol tony pashos. I don't know how he's performed in the game, but he's called for a holding penalty for the Jaguars and so I can laugh at him. And Jesus, Pennington has really been taking a beating - he's now gone off after another sack. Kellen Clemens is in and oh dear, that looked fucking nasty for Pennington. Clemens makes his first pass, but it's nowhere near long enough for the first down.
19:46 - I'm not certain when this happened, but St. Louis are now up 13-7 after a second field goal.
19:48 - Yay Mario Williams with a sack. Again, welcome to your new life with no pass protection Damon Huard. Jay Cutler apparently has very little statwise - ~130 yards and an interception - but Ben Roethlisberger only has 65 yards somehow; how he can have that few yards and still have two touchdowns passesis beyond me.
19:51 - Randy Moss has himself his first touchdown as a Patriot, that's a 51-yarder and it puts Brady level with Peyton Manning touchdown-wise. If he carries on at this pace, he'll outscore Manning; he had 29 points in the win over New Orleans, while Brady has 27 points so far. Patriots 28 - 7 Jets.
19:54 - A couple of field goals submittd for your review. Longwell makes one for the Vikings (10-0 over Atlanta), Elam misses a fifty-yarder for Denver (still down 7-6) and Jake Delhomme has his second touchdown, to Steve Smith for 68 yards.
19:58 - Schaub makes another pass to Johnson, but Andre fumbles it and it's lost. Not good, but if it's only a loss of two points I can take that. I'm also fairly certain Reggie Brown is indeed not playing.
20:01 - Vince Young scrambles like he's wont to do against the Jags for two yards and makes the touchdown, makes it 13-10 Titans. The Jets are in a great position, but I'm thankful Coles couldn't make the touchdown catch...unfortunately, he caught the second. Patriots 28 - 14 Jets. Santonio Holmes is still a better choice than he is, but he's now only 0.3 points ahead. Torry Holt, for comparison, is only 0.5 points ahead of Coles, with 11.8 points in total.
20:04 - Marshawn Lynch has been producing decently so far today, and caps it off with a 23-yard touchdown run; he's now on 77 yards rushing, not a bad total against such a solid unit. Denver are now down 14-6, and I can assure you I didn't see that coming.
20:07 - Steven Jackson, #2 pick; he's lost two fumbles and only managed 54 yards. Yay. And Roethlisberger is now so much better than Jay Cutler with his third touchdown pass - Cutler's yet to make one and has been picked twice.
20:10 - The Eagles are up now, 13-10 over Green Bay, and somehow Randy Moss has about 150 yards. It might be a flash in the pan, but fucking hell it's a bright flash. At the end of the third quarter, it's Patriots 28 - 14 Jets.
20:12 - 28-14 BALL GAME! Houston's shutout bid has died, sadly, but they're still up 17-3; likewise, Atlanta have finally scored, they're down 10-3 against Minnesota.
20:14 - And speaking of shutouts dying, Pittsburgh have finally been scored on by the Browns. Derek Anderson made a single-yard pass to Vickers, but it's not quite a "fourteen-point BALL GAME", just 24-7 Pittsburgh
20:16 - Aw, just great. Now Jones-Drew has fumbled as well; he only has sixty yards in total, both receiving and rushing, and loses more points through that. This is still a BALL GAME, FYI.
20:20 - CBS is airing something for Survivor: China, and I can safely say I don't care even a little. Maroney's been bottled up surprisingly well by the Jets, partly because he's sharing carries with Sammy Morris but not completely. Any chance the Falcons might have had of coming back is good and dead, by the way, as Tarvaris Jackson and Adrian Peterson combined for a sixty-yard touchdown. THE CLEATED CRUSHER kicks another field goal for Green Bay, who're now tied 13-13, Carolina are in the lead 17-13 after a field goal there and the Broncos are back in it - Jay Cutler made a pass to Brandon Marshall, but the two-point conversion attempt was thwarted, they're now down 14-12.
20:24 - The Pats are on first-and-goal, Sammy Morris got nothing. This seems very familiar, come on Ben Watson.
20:26 - No luck. Gostkowski gets his first field goal, making it Patriots 31 - 14 Jets, but Tom Brady is still stuck on 28 points - now just one behind Peyton Manning.
20:28 - So Coles has two touchdowns. This makes him the best wide receiver I could have played, better than Holt and better than Holmes. Fuck. At this point, I'm really glad Jones-Drew and Kellen Winslow got points for catches, because it's not looking good.
20:30 - Roethlisberger to Heath Miller, 22 yards, touchdown. Kill me, kill me now.
20:35 - Antoine Winfield just pours on the pain for Atlanta, intercepting Harrington's pass and taking it back to the (Appalachian State's) Big House for the score. They're now winning 24-3.
20:38 - Where the fuck is Reggie Brown? Also, where the fuck is Randy McMichael? And now the Patriots are just piling it on, they're on the one-yard line and it looked like it was a touchdown on the previous rush anyway. Also, poor Kansas City - Travis Johnson now has an interception of Huard.
20:41 - Ah, it seems Reggie Brown is apparently alive. Donovan McNabb missed a pass to him.
20:43 - Speak of the devil, Evans jumps over the fucking huge pile to become the fifth player to have a touchdown for New England and make it Patriots 38 - 14 Jets. There's two minutes to go, and the Jets would be best served just letting the clock run out.
20:48 - Who'd have thought that of all today's games, Miami and Washington would deliver the tensest one? Jay Feely's just made a field goal to tie it again at 13-13, and I'm not exactly sure if it's the result of great defensive play or shit offensive play. Who cares, really?
20:50 - And that's it. New England win 38 - 14 over the New York Jets, and the coverage has switched to Washington/Miami. The Skins have the ball with 1:24 left to go and the score at 13-13, but things aren't helped by Joey Porter blasting Ladell Betts in the backfield for a short loss. The target is supposed to be the 33-yard line for Shaun Suisham, the Skins kicker, but he's made longer in the past.
20:52 - And the Skins are in trouble now. Jason Campbell's pass to Antwaan Randle Al was good, and Randle El almost made the catch on the third down, but now the Dolphins get their chance with a minute to go.
20:53 - Final scores so far: Minnesota 24 - 3 Atlanta
Houston 20 - 3 Kansas City
Tennessee 13 - 10 Jacksonville
20:54 - Trent Gren overthrows Justin Peel, who he got a touchdown to previously, but it looks like the Dolphins are happy to go to overtime now. They DO have three timeouts left, though. But FUCKING HELL, Fred Smoot just leapt in front of the pass and came so, so, SO close to an interception.
20:58 - My God, that's a Hail Mary and then some. Jason Campbell made a great long pass that was batted down in the end-zone, but it was batted INTO Randle El's arms. Randle El's facing up against four or five Dolphins and tries to do something to get in, but he gets shoved out of bounds just before the line. If they'd made it, that would have been an ending for the ages, but he didn't and so it goes into overtime with the score 13-13.
21:05 - Really not the time for injuries, Javon Walker's just gone off against Buffalo. Not having his best receiver when he's trying to get in field goal range is really going to hurt the guy.
21:07 - Final score from the Edward Jones Dome - Carolina 27 - 13 St. Louis. It turns out Walker isn't badly hurt, he's well enough to continue playing, at least.
21:09 - Nice of him; Ladell Betts, in the middle of a power run, crashes into his OWN left tackle and carries on going.
21:10 - On the Buffalo 24-yard line, Jason Elam makes the kick when it counts. Denver 15 - 14 Buffalo is the final score, but damn this is hardly a convincing win for the Broncos.
21:12 - The Skins call their last remaining timeout, but after some good runs from Betts and Portis, it looks like they're going to kick from thre. It's strange, because they've still got time AND they're still not that close. The field goal will be 40-yards in length.
21:14 - It's GOOD. Washington win, 16-13 over the Dolphins, and that's it from me because I need to pee. I'll be watching Chicago/San Diego very closely.
The scores on the revolving doors:
Spanish Inquisition 86 - 23 EXCALIBUR
Second Letter Saints 97 - 80 azbound07
Christ Punchers 77.3 - 73.54 bonecrushaz
London Knights 85.3 - 37.2 Filthy Flojams
Swiss Army Soldiers 61 - 20 Zoolanders
Team E.B.E. 81 - 47 itsSEXtastic
Sunday, 9 September 2007
Friday, 7 September 2007
so i herd u liek mountins
Like Spinal Tap and the fall of the Berlin Wall, the author of this blog could have benefitted most from the Upset To End All Upsets I Mean Holy Shit That Was Fucking Crazy Dude simply because he's been outed as some crazy fortune-telling wizard. Although tonight was the first time I have ever corresponded or seen a genuine Mountaineer fan in what is the closest to the flesh these crazy crazy tubes allow us, I feel some sort of affinity to them, mostly because I've spent half my life supporting one of those teams who always looks inferior to everyone else around then somehow slaps the big teams around the face with a fish of some kind (if you're lonely enough to look, it's Charlton Athletic, now of the English Championship).
Thursday, 6 September 2007
Gameday #1 - New Orleans Saints @ Indianapolis Colts
Being as how this is the NFL 2007/2008 season kickoff, I thought it appropriate to dedicate the first Gameday post to this game alone. It helps that I was able to watch it live, but in a couple of weeks that option will be taken away from me and the Gameday posts from there on out will be much more fantasy-oriented.
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01:39 - Joseph Addai is down. Joseph Addai is down. Oh God, please let this be minor.
01:45 - Bob Sanders does what he does best on the first New Orleans snap, crushing Deuce McAllister after only a three-yard gain on the ground. It's vintage Black Jesus, and it makes me wish he wasn't on the bench; Brian Dawkins had better perform otherwise I'm going to be kicking myself.
01:48 - Addai's not getting treatment, so apparently God just wants to test how strong my stomach lining is at the moment. Let me tell you, bud, it's about as good as a Vietnam vet's. But thanks for giving Reggie Bush a first down, it means the Inquisition is now officially leading 1-0, yes, that's one point to bupkis.
01:53 - Reggie gets smacked in the backfield, and it's now back to 0-0. And Olindo Mare shanks his kick to the left just to add to my annoyance.
01:55 - He's back! And there was much rejoicing! But Peyton gets a first down so now the SLSaints are down 1-0; truly an insurmountable deficit.
01:59 - 1-0 Inquisition! You go Joe! Work that drive straight up the middle! Do it again! Work that generic play! Run behind the trail of destruction Jeff Saturday causes in search of his fabled sandwich!
02:00 - Aw fuck. Manning to Harrison for Indy's first touchdown, 27 yards in all, even if Adam Vinateri does get the extra point it's still only one measly point. NOSaints 0 - 7 Colts, and I can't believe Marvin Harrison's 35. Aren't receivers supposed to in wheelchairs by then?
02:06 - Urgh. I didn't know Brees wore contact lenses, so cool for him, but damn I did not want to see him putting it in on the sidelines. Similarly, I do not want to see close-ups of needles going into eyes, thank you Dr. House.
02:07 - Well, not something you'll see every day; one of Drew Brees' passes is batted down right back into his hands. He makes a try of rushing for the first, but gets no love from the Indy defense and so the Colts' offense is back on. So far, I'm underwhelmed.
02:10 - The first quarter comes to an end, and it's NOSaints 0 - 7 Colts. I also didn't quite realise how annoying it was to go "NOSaints" and "SLSaints" and such and such.
02:13 - Indy's pounding the ball on the ground with Addai who follows Ryan Lilja for a first down, but it turns out Kenton Keith is now getting the occasional snap. This is most displeasing and not good in the slightest.
02:16 - Well fuck me. Jason David forces a fumble on Reggie Wayne - FUCK, by the way - and runs it all the way back to hit some paydirt. Tony Romo isn't a Saint so Mare gets to kick the extra point that makes it NOSaints 7 - 7 Colts, and really who saw that coming?
02:19 - Sky Sports, the only broadcaster who feels it necessary to insert ad breaks every five minutes, bastardy thing that it is. Better yet, it turns out Wayne lost points for fucking up and is now a healthy "-2" as he loses control of a medium pass. What the hell's wrong with you, man?
02:23 - Seriously, what's wrong with Indy? Poor Anthony Gonzalez gets a ball hurled a good few yards ahead of him because Will Smith almost got to Manning. From Tarik Glenn to Tony Ugoh, it's going to be an interesting process for the Colts, might even be the only way to beat them. Addai's also just passed the fifty-yard mark.
02:27 - Damn, Sanders gets so close to picking off a pass intended for Marques Colston. Why did I bench him again? Doesn't matter, Aaron Stecker comes in from nowhere on the next play and gets a first out of it.
02:29 - And Reggie gets himself a first as well. I've also just released Robert Meacham hasn't even been mentioned yet, and he's starting for the Christ Punchers. This ain't good.
02:30 - I don't even think he's on the field!
02:31 - Reggie takes his eye off the ball and misses a pass he really should have sucked in. Mare gives the NOSaints the lead though, so that's a tiny consolation. Right? NOSaints 10 - 7 Colts.
02:37 - Wayne finally gets some positive yardage, and I'm scared that there's only five minutes left in the second quarterbefore I got to say that.
02:40 - I really, really wish Shaun Gayle would stop saying "7-7 ballgame", "10-7 ballgame" and crap. Speaking of crap, that's the second false start penalty Ugoh's taken to make it third-and-thirteen and see Manning have no luck going long to Wayne. Again.
02:42 - Shitty death as New Orleans takes a false start themselves as Reggie looked like he was about to go on a good run; as it is, he gets taken down by Rob Morris for just three yards.
02:44 - Eric Johnson fumbles and I think Sanders was the one to ultimately force it, but somehow he keeps the ball, and just to cap things off on a pointless drive here, Bush loses yards on a screen play. It figures today is the day the Colts remember how to play defense.
02:46 - It's official, Addai has so far been a better receiver than Reggie Wayne. A full five yards better, to be exact.
02:48 - "IT'S A TEN-SEVEN BALLGAME". SHUT UP!
02:51 - Colts are in the red zone for the first time, two time-outs left and this is a damn fine time for Addai to score. Dallas Clark got a pair of receptions just before, but fuck him.
02:53 - Or you could overthrow Harrison and go to fourth down. I'm not picky. Adam Vinatieri kicks a field goal - apparently he's never missed in the RCA Dome - and ties it up. Saints 10 - 10 Colts, because typing "NOSaints" over and over is pointless and stupid.
02:59 - Brees almost gets sacked by Dwight Freeney, who just blasts through the Saints pass protection, and would have if the quarterback hadn't tossed the ball away - Jamar Nesbit touches it and so they get called for an illegal touching penalty. It's all a bit superfluousin the end, because Reggie gets a couple of yards on a rush and the half ends. It's Saints 10 - 10 Colts.
03:01 - I'm so fucking hungry.
03:07 - Let it be know I am a sandwich-making god of some kind. Not just in quality, but in speed as well; I left the keyboard at a minute past three and am now halfway through a big fucking polony sausage (I think that's the English equivalent of baloney or bologna, however it's spelt) French bread sandwich. It tastes so damn good, and I've only once cut myself while making it (even then, that was 2002).
03:09 - As it stands right now:
SLSaints 4 - 12 azbound
SI 8 - 0 Excalibur
SAS -2 - 0 Zoolanders (Yes. Minus two points, thank you Reggie Wayne)
CP 0 - 0 bonecrushaz
LK 0 - 4 Filthy Flojams
03:12 - TEN TEN BALLGAME. I'm going to start counting the times he says the word "ballgame", it's become my new crusade.
03:16 - Just curious here, but whatever happened to this being a sixty-point game? I blame Reggie Wayne.
03:18 - "it's ten-ten in our ballgame". That's two, also apparently it's not Shaun Gayle talking. I'm surprised to say I can't remember the main guy's name. Addai gets another reception to keep him a better receiver than Wayne (he's now got 98 all-purpose yards), who almost screwed up the play thanks to an alleged illegal block in the back of Jason David. I still blame Reggie Wayne.
03:23 - Manning giveth and Manning taketh away - first he hits Harrison for a big gain and they get so close to a touchdown before Harper intervenes, then he hits the wall separating the turf from the fans on first-and-goal. But fuck that, Joseph Addai up the middle, touchdown Colts and it's about time. It's only two yards, but he's sitting pretty on 15 points so far, and Adam kicks the extra point as well. Saints 10 - 17 Colts.
03:25 - "SEVENTEEN-TEN BALLGAME". That's three.
03:30 - I've just checked in with Team E.B.E. and the score is somehow sitting on 19-13. Addai has 15 points for them as well as the Inquisition, Mare has 4 for them and Marvin Harrison has 13 for "itsSEXtastic". And again, it's a seventeen-ten ballgame (#4).
03:35 - I don't believe it. Not only is Addai a better receiver than Wayne, Ben Fucking Utecht has just outnumbered him as well.
03:36 - Boom. Addai hits the century mark.
03:37 - Thank Christ. Reggie Wayne finally justifies himself by catching a second Manning 27-yard pass; he gets out of negative figures, and the score becomes Saints 10 - 24 Colts. It's not quite a sixty-point game, but the tempo's moving up.
03:41 - Did I hear that right? Brees is 11 for 18 for 47 YARDS? That's fucking crazy.
03:47 - It's seriously showing that it's the first game of the season, there's now been four false start penalties, two on each team, but fuck that Freddy Keiaho just picked off Brees and the Saints are in trouble. I've got to say, the interception was picture-perfect and Brees looks pissed on the sideliness.
03:49 - Wayne gets himself another reception, he's now on 69 yards for the game and it puts the Colts in the red zone again.
03:50 - "Twenty-four-ten ballgame", number five since I started counting. And damn, Brees is on a passer rating of 51. I'm really surprised, I figured he'd feast on the defense.
03:53 - Yet another penalty taken, Al Michaels guesses wrongly it was for Will Smith's facemask on Manning because Ugoh gets another penalty. It doesn't matter here, though, as Manning's pass was over the head of Wayne, and Vinatieri bats the field goal in without a problem. Saints 10 - 27 Colts.
03:58 - So close. Brees almost gets sacked yet again, escapes, scrambles away but only makes to fourth-and-one, but even though they're seventeen points down, the Saints still punt. Also "Twenty-seven-ten ballgame" (#6). Because I can, a quote from Nick Holling - "The Colts don't beat you with tricks, they beat you with execution."
04:01 - Seems like Reggie's been a disappointment so far today; he's only managed 29 yards in total. The other Reggie, on the other hand, picks up his third reception for a handful more yards and he's now got 11 points.
04:03 - Forget that 11 number, the one you want to concentrate on is #87. Wayne delivers with a 45-yard catch for a touchdown, taking him to 115 yards in the game, Vinatieri provides the extra point. This does mean Manning's now on 29 points, but Deuce McAllister's been bottled up nicely enough, so azbound hasn't had everything go his way. Saints 10 - 34 Colts.
04:06 - "Thirty-four-ten ballgame" (#7), and I can now PREDICT when he's going to say it.
04:09 - Kickass, I get to see the Ravens/Bengals game. Also, it looks like it's not just Bush underperforming, it's the whole Saints offense - they go from being the top unit in the league to being shut down here. The Colts have 238 in the second half, the Saints 98.
04:12 - Oh dear. Robert Mathis picks up a fumble, gives the Colts the ball back and it's still a "thirty-four-ten ballgame"(#8). It's been challenged by Payton, but it's fairly clear - the ball actually gets knocked out of Brees' hand as his arm was back to throw and he makes the throwing motion before realising what the fuck just happened.
04:17 - Kenton Keith just had a damn good run to get another first, and I'm forced to ask did Indianapolis somehow unearth another Addai in him? If so, oh shit, we're all going to die. It looks like Keith might be getting the remainder of the carries from here on out as well.
04:24 - You know, this is actually pretty fucking fun. Nobody's reading, but fuck that noise. Despite what the label may say, I don't blame Reggie Wayne anymore, he came through but good in the end.
04:29 - Drew Brees, that was shameful. He throws a pass that's picked off so fucking easily he HAD to be throwing it straight to Matt Giodarno, and the safety takes it with glee back for a touchdown. Vinatieri, obviously, kicks the extra point to make it Saints 10 - 41 Colts. It's still not a sixty-point game, but after that start, 51 points is good enough for me.
04:33 - Take a bow for shame. If he finishes it like this, Brees will set a new record for lowest yards per completion number in HISTORY with just 6.2 ypc. Or maybe not, he completes to Henderson and barring a couple of horrible backward passes, he's ranked higher than Chris Weinke's record.
04:35 - That's it, it's over. Colts win 41-10 and I'm fucking tired.
---
The scores as they stand:
Spanish Inquisition 43 - 0 Excalibur [Addai finished the night with 19 points in all, Wayne with 21 and Bush with only 3. At the moment, six SI players are left to play in contrast to the full nine of Excalibur.]
Second Letter Saints 11 - 32 azbound07 [Adam Vinatieri had two field goals and five extra points for 11 points in all. On the other side, Manning had three touchdowns through the air for six points apiece and added another 11 by notching 288 passing yards for 29 in all, but McAllister also managed just three points himself. The Saints have eight players left to play, azbound has seven]
Swiss Army Soldiers 21 - 0 Zoolanders [These points are all the property of Wayne. The SAS have eight players left to play, Zoolanders have nine.]
Team E.B.E 23 - 14 itsSEXtastic [Addai had the 19 points, although was projected as having 21 by the Yahoo people, Harrison had 83 yards and a touchdown for his 14 points and Olindo Mare added a field goal and an extra point for us. EBE have seven players left to play, SEX have eight.]
London Knights 0 - 11 Filthy Flojams [11 points for Vinatieri here. The Flojams have seven players left to play, the Knights eight.]
Christ Punchers 0 - 0 bonecrushaz [Bob Sanders had five points for five tackles, but was benched in favour of Brian Dawkins; Robert Meacham was not benched, but didn't feature at all. CP has 13 players left to play, bonecrushaz has 14.]
---
01:39 - Joseph Addai is down. Joseph Addai is down. Oh God, please let this be minor.
01:45 - Bob Sanders does what he does best on the first New Orleans snap, crushing Deuce McAllister after only a three-yard gain on the ground. It's vintage Black Jesus, and it makes me wish he wasn't on the bench; Brian Dawkins had better perform otherwise I'm going to be kicking myself.
01:48 - Addai's not getting treatment, so apparently God just wants to test how strong my stomach lining is at the moment. Let me tell you, bud, it's about as good as a Vietnam vet's. But thanks for giving Reggie Bush a first down, it means the Inquisition is now officially leading 1-0, yes, that's one point to bupkis.
01:53 - Reggie gets smacked in the backfield, and it's now back to 0-0. And Olindo Mare shanks his kick to the left just to add to my annoyance.
01:55 - He's back! And there was much rejoicing! But Peyton gets a first down so now the SLSaints are down 1-0; truly an insurmountable deficit.
01:59 - 1-0 Inquisition! You go Joe! Work that drive straight up the middle! Do it again! Work that generic play! Run behind the trail of destruction Jeff Saturday causes in search of his fabled sandwich!
02:00 - Aw fuck. Manning to Harrison for Indy's first touchdown, 27 yards in all, even if Adam Vinateri does get the extra point it's still only one measly point. NOSaints 0 - 7 Colts, and I can't believe Marvin Harrison's 35. Aren't receivers supposed to in wheelchairs by then?
02:06 - Urgh. I didn't know Brees wore contact lenses, so cool for him, but damn I did not want to see him putting it in on the sidelines. Similarly, I do not want to see close-ups of needles going into eyes, thank you Dr. House.
02:07 - Well, not something you'll see every day; one of Drew Brees' passes is batted down right back into his hands. He makes a try of rushing for the first, but gets no love from the Indy defense and so the Colts' offense is back on. So far, I'm underwhelmed.
02:10 - The first quarter comes to an end, and it's NOSaints 0 - 7 Colts. I also didn't quite realise how annoying it was to go "NOSaints" and "SLSaints" and such and such.
02:13 - Indy's pounding the ball on the ground with Addai who follows Ryan Lilja for a first down, but it turns out Kenton Keith is now getting the occasional snap. This is most displeasing and not good in the slightest.
02:16 - Well fuck me. Jason David forces a fumble on Reggie Wayne - FUCK, by the way - and runs it all the way back to hit some paydirt. Tony Romo isn't a Saint so Mare gets to kick the extra point that makes it NOSaints 7 - 7 Colts, and really who saw that coming?
02:19 - Sky Sports, the only broadcaster who feels it necessary to insert ad breaks every five minutes, bastardy thing that it is. Better yet, it turns out Wayne lost points for fucking up and is now a healthy "-2" as he loses control of a medium pass. What the hell's wrong with you, man?
02:23 - Seriously, what's wrong with Indy? Poor Anthony Gonzalez gets a ball hurled a good few yards ahead of him because Will Smith almost got to Manning. From Tarik Glenn to Tony Ugoh, it's going to be an interesting process for the Colts, might even be the only way to beat them. Addai's also just passed the fifty-yard mark.
02:27 - Damn, Sanders gets so close to picking off a pass intended for Marques Colston. Why did I bench him again? Doesn't matter, Aaron Stecker comes in from nowhere on the next play and gets a first out of it.
02:29 - And Reggie gets himself a first as well. I've also just released Robert Meacham hasn't even been mentioned yet, and he's starting for the Christ Punchers. This ain't good.
02:30 - I don't even think he's on the field!
02:31 - Reggie takes his eye off the ball and misses a pass he really should have sucked in. Mare gives the NOSaints the lead though, so that's a tiny consolation. Right? NOSaints 10 - 7 Colts.
02:37 - Wayne finally gets some positive yardage, and I'm scared that there's only five minutes left in the second quarterbefore I got to say that.
02:40 - I really, really wish Shaun Gayle would stop saying "7-7 ballgame", "10-7 ballgame" and crap. Speaking of crap, that's the second false start penalty Ugoh's taken to make it third-and-thirteen and see Manning have no luck going long to Wayne. Again.
02:42 - Shitty death as New Orleans takes a false start themselves as Reggie looked like he was about to go on a good run; as it is, he gets taken down by Rob Morris for just three yards.
02:44 - Eric Johnson fumbles and I think Sanders was the one to ultimately force it, but somehow he keeps the ball, and just to cap things off on a pointless drive here, Bush loses yards on a screen play. It figures today is the day the Colts remember how to play defense.
02:46 - It's official, Addai has so far been a better receiver than Reggie Wayne. A full five yards better, to be exact.
02:48 - "IT'S A TEN-SEVEN BALLGAME". SHUT UP!
02:51 - Colts are in the red zone for the first time, two time-outs left and this is a damn fine time for Addai to score. Dallas Clark got a pair of receptions just before, but fuck him.
02:53 - Or you could overthrow Harrison and go to fourth down. I'm not picky. Adam Vinatieri kicks a field goal - apparently he's never missed in the RCA Dome - and ties it up. Saints 10 - 10 Colts, because typing "NOSaints" over and over is pointless and stupid.
02:59 - Brees almost gets sacked by Dwight Freeney, who just blasts through the Saints pass protection, and would have if the quarterback hadn't tossed the ball away - Jamar Nesbit touches it and so they get called for an illegal touching penalty. It's all a bit superfluousin the end, because Reggie gets a couple of yards on a rush and the half ends. It's Saints 10 - 10 Colts.
03:01 - I'm so fucking hungry.
03:07 - Let it be know I am a sandwich-making god of some kind. Not just in quality, but in speed as well; I left the keyboard at a minute past three and am now halfway through a big fucking polony sausage (I think that's the English equivalent of baloney or bologna, however it's spelt) French bread sandwich. It tastes so damn good, and I've only once cut myself while making it (even then, that was 2002).
03:09 - As it stands right now:
SLSaints 4 - 12 azbound
SI 8 - 0 Excalibur
SAS -2 - 0 Zoolanders (Yes. Minus two points, thank you Reggie Wayne)
CP 0 - 0 bonecrushaz
LK 0 - 4 Filthy Flojams
03:12 - TEN TEN BALLGAME. I'm going to start counting the times he says the word "ballgame", it's become my new crusade.
03:16 - Just curious here, but whatever happened to this being a sixty-point game? I blame Reggie Wayne.
03:18 - "it's ten-ten in our ballgame". That's two, also apparently it's not Shaun Gayle talking. I'm surprised to say I can't remember the main guy's name. Addai gets another reception to keep him a better receiver than Wayne (he's now got 98 all-purpose yards), who almost screwed up the play thanks to an alleged illegal block in the back of Jason David. I still blame Reggie Wayne.
03:23 - Manning giveth and Manning taketh away - first he hits Harrison for a big gain and they get so close to a touchdown before Harper intervenes, then he hits the wall separating the turf from the fans on first-and-goal. But fuck that, Joseph Addai up the middle, touchdown Colts and it's about time. It's only two yards, but he's sitting pretty on 15 points so far, and Adam kicks the extra point as well. Saints 10 - 17 Colts.
03:25 - "SEVENTEEN-TEN BALLGAME". That's three.
03:30 - I've just checked in with Team E.B.E. and the score is somehow sitting on 19-13. Addai has 15 points for them as well as the Inquisition, Mare has 4 for them and Marvin Harrison has 13 for "itsSEXtastic". And again, it's a seventeen-ten ballgame (#4).
03:35 - I don't believe it. Not only is Addai a better receiver than Wayne, Ben Fucking Utecht has just outnumbered him as well.
03:36 - Boom. Addai hits the century mark.
03:37 - Thank Christ. Reggie Wayne finally justifies himself by catching a second Manning 27-yard pass; he gets out of negative figures, and the score becomes Saints 10 - 24 Colts. It's not quite a sixty-point game, but the tempo's moving up.
03:41 - Did I hear that right? Brees is 11 for 18 for 47 YARDS? That's fucking crazy.
03:47 - It's seriously showing that it's the first game of the season, there's now been four false start penalties, two on each team, but fuck that Freddy Keiaho just picked off Brees and the Saints are in trouble. I've got to say, the interception was picture-perfect and Brees looks pissed on the sideliness.
03:49 - Wayne gets himself another reception, he's now on 69 yards for the game and it puts the Colts in the red zone again.
03:50 - "Twenty-four-ten ballgame", number five since I started counting. And damn, Brees is on a passer rating of 51. I'm really surprised, I figured he'd feast on the defense.
03:53 - Yet another penalty taken, Al Michaels guesses wrongly it was for Will Smith's facemask on Manning because Ugoh gets another penalty. It doesn't matter here, though, as Manning's pass was over the head of Wayne, and Vinatieri bats the field goal in without a problem. Saints 10 - 27 Colts.
03:58 - So close. Brees almost gets sacked yet again, escapes, scrambles away but only makes to fourth-and-one, but even though they're seventeen points down, the Saints still punt. Also "Twenty-seven-ten ballgame" (#6). Because I can, a quote from Nick Holling - "The Colts don't beat you with tricks, they beat you with execution."
04:01 - Seems like Reggie's been a disappointment so far today; he's only managed 29 yards in total. The other Reggie, on the other hand, picks up his third reception for a handful more yards and he's now got 11 points.
04:03 - Forget that 11 number, the one you want to concentrate on is #87. Wayne delivers with a 45-yard catch for a touchdown, taking him to 115 yards in the game, Vinatieri provides the extra point. This does mean Manning's now on 29 points, but Deuce McAllister's been bottled up nicely enough, so azbound hasn't had everything go his way. Saints 10 - 34 Colts.
04:06 - "Thirty-four-ten ballgame" (#7), and I can now PREDICT when he's going to say it.
04:09 - Kickass, I get to see the Ravens/Bengals game. Also, it looks like it's not just Bush underperforming, it's the whole Saints offense - they go from being the top unit in the league to being shut down here. The Colts have 238 in the second half, the Saints 98.
04:12 - Oh dear. Robert Mathis picks up a fumble, gives the Colts the ball back and it's still a "thirty-four-ten ballgame"(#8). It's been challenged by Payton, but it's fairly clear - the ball actually gets knocked out of Brees' hand as his arm was back to throw and he makes the throwing motion before realising what the fuck just happened.
04:17 - Kenton Keith just had a damn good run to get another first, and I'm forced to ask did Indianapolis somehow unearth another Addai in him? If so, oh shit, we're all going to die. It looks like Keith might be getting the remainder of the carries from here on out as well.
04:24 - You know, this is actually pretty fucking fun. Nobody's reading, but fuck that noise. Despite what the label may say, I don't blame Reggie Wayne anymore, he came through but good in the end.
04:29 - Drew Brees, that was shameful. He throws a pass that's picked off so fucking easily he HAD to be throwing it straight to Matt Giodarno, and the safety takes it with glee back for a touchdown. Vinatieri, obviously, kicks the extra point to make it Saints 10 - 41 Colts. It's still not a sixty-point game, but after that start, 51 points is good enough for me.
04:33 - Take a bow for shame. If he finishes it like this, Brees will set a new record for lowest yards per completion number in HISTORY with just 6.2 ypc. Or maybe not, he completes to Henderson and barring a couple of horrible backward passes, he's ranked higher than Chris Weinke's record.
04:35 - That's it, it's over. Colts win 41-10 and I'm fucking tired.
---
The scores as they stand:
Spanish Inquisition 43 - 0 Excalibur [Addai finished the night with 19 points in all, Wayne with 21 and Bush with only 3. At the moment, six SI players are left to play in contrast to the full nine of Excalibur.]
Second Letter Saints 11 - 32 azbound07 [Adam Vinatieri had two field goals and five extra points for 11 points in all. On the other side, Manning had three touchdowns through the air for six points apiece and added another 11 by notching 288 passing yards for 29 in all, but McAllister also managed just three points himself. The Saints have eight players left to play, azbound has seven]
Swiss Army Soldiers 21 - 0 Zoolanders [These points are all the property of Wayne. The SAS have eight players left to play, Zoolanders have nine.]
Team E.B.E 23 - 14 itsSEXtastic [Addai had the 19 points, although was projected as having 21 by the Yahoo people, Harrison had 83 yards and a touchdown for his 14 points and Olindo Mare added a field goal and an extra point for us. EBE have seven players left to play, SEX have eight.]
London Knights 0 - 11 Filthy Flojams [11 points for Vinatieri here. The Flojams have seven players left to play, the Knights eight.]
Christ Punchers 0 - 0 bonecrushaz [Bob Sanders had five points for five tackles, but was benched in favour of Brian Dawkins; Robert Meacham was not benched, but didn't feature at all. CP has 13 players left to play, bonecrushaz has 14.]
Wednesday, 5 September 2007
Team #6 - I Am The Second Dumbest Man Alive (Team E.B.E.)
God seems to like me. Apparently, He was not pleased by my declaration that I was the stupidest person on His Earth, and so He confounded someone enough to give them that title. The Swiss Army Soldiers will be without Frank Gore and Travis Henry come week 6; the owner of GryphonRiders, who will incidentally be facing my team week 6, will be missing Gore, Javon Walker, Peyton Manning, Reggie Wayne and Roy Williams. Consider also that we start two wide receivers, one quarterback, two running backs and a wide receiver/running back flex option - at the moment, GryphonRiders is starting every one of those players. I will be without my two running backs, he will be without his top three receivers, his stud quarterback and his stud running back.
I will happily give up my title, he's clearly the dumbest man alive.
Quarterbacks - Although I am still in the running. I'd stacked up a couple of quarterbacks on the queue list so I'd be ready for my pick when I was called down to empty the dishwasher. I was as fast and as slapdash as I could be - I even broke a glass - but when I got back up here, the horrible truth was clear. I'd been given Marc Bulger in the fourth round, which I have no problems with, but then been slapped with Philip Rivers in the fifth. When I say I cursed up a storm, I mean a storm like no other, a storm on par with Katrina, something to make sailors weep into their pillows. It may have been an overreaction, but goddamn I was pissed. On later reflection, it wasn't as bad as I'd originally assumed; sure, it was a wasted pick, but it means I get to play the matchups with two legitimate starters. And that's not blind optimism or desperate reassurance talking, trust me.
Running Backs - With the fourth pick, I was guaranteed one of the bitching backs, but I hadn't counted on the player behind "Iron Men" having a mild stroke and thinking Rudi Johnson was too good to overlook at the third pick. Hence, I got my choice of Joe Addai and Frank Gore - I toyed with throwing everyone another curveball and choosing Shaun Alexander, but common sense won out in the end and I picked Addai. To go with him is Maurice Jones-Drew to put together an effective pairing with different bye weeks, which was of course the only thing I was interested in. I only have the one depth back, Brandon Jackson, because my later picks went towards receivers rather than backs; if push comes to shove I can probably prise a back away from somewhere else or get someone off waivers to deputise. By virtue of this being an eight-team league, guys like LaMont Jordan and Chester Taylor were never drafted, so there's some potential out there.
Wide Receivers - I think I've hit the jackpot here. Donald Driver and Chad Johnson are my most likely starters, and I'll also be playing Andre Johnson in the flex position, but behind them there's also Mark Clayton, who I'll play if he shows signs of breaking out, and Deion Branch, who will probably be nothing more than an emergency option. Still, there are innumerable options here; for instance, Clayton is going up against a Cincinnati defense that was, not to put too fine a point on it, shit last year whereas Driver is apparently playing through an injury. Everybody loves interchangability.
Tight Ends - I've joined everyone in the California area in praying that Alex Smith and Vernon Davis develop the best chemistry in the league because I went with Davis ahead of guys like Tony Gonzalez and Alge Crumpler, both formerly top tight ends before real life intervened to cripple their fantasy value (although in Crumpler's case, he's not so useless that I didn't draft him myself; those passes from Harrington have to go somewhere, and it sure as hell won't be Joe Horn). I might not need two tight ends, but if it turns out Harrington isn't completely useless I win.
Kicker - The leitmotif for this team has been to avoid picking players I've already drafted elsewhere; it's fallen short once or twice, with Rivers and Addai, but on the whole I'm not displeased with that. To that end, I picked Olindo Mare to kick for me, which is actually a bit of a stretch here - eight teams means only about ten kickers were picked, and the question is whether or not Mare is a top-ten kicker. I say he is mostly because of the quality of his offensive surroundings, but evidently others disagreed.
Defensive Unit - In a similar vein to above, I drafted Pittsburgh's defense, although this time all of my others had gone before. I'd narrowed the choices down to Pittsburgh, Seattle and Jacksonville, and only went with the Steelers because they have the weakest division when it comes to offense. With my last pick, however, I did also take Oakland's defense as well because I like the Raiders, dammit.
I will happily give up my title, he's clearly the dumbest man alive.
Quarterbacks - Although I am still in the running. I'd stacked up a couple of quarterbacks on the queue list so I'd be ready for my pick when I was called down to empty the dishwasher. I was as fast and as slapdash as I could be - I even broke a glass - but when I got back up here, the horrible truth was clear. I'd been given Marc Bulger in the fourth round, which I have no problems with, but then been slapped with Philip Rivers in the fifth. When I say I cursed up a storm, I mean a storm like no other, a storm on par with Katrina, something to make sailors weep into their pillows. It may have been an overreaction, but goddamn I was pissed. On later reflection, it wasn't as bad as I'd originally assumed; sure, it was a wasted pick, but it means I get to play the matchups with two legitimate starters. And that's not blind optimism or desperate reassurance talking, trust me.
Running Backs - With the fourth pick, I was guaranteed one of the bitching backs, but I hadn't counted on the player behind "Iron Men" having a mild stroke and thinking Rudi Johnson was too good to overlook at the third pick. Hence, I got my choice of Joe Addai and Frank Gore - I toyed with throwing everyone another curveball and choosing Shaun Alexander, but common sense won out in the end and I picked Addai. To go with him is Maurice Jones-Drew to put together an effective pairing with different bye weeks, which was of course the only thing I was interested in. I only have the one depth back, Brandon Jackson, because my later picks went towards receivers rather than backs; if push comes to shove I can probably prise a back away from somewhere else or get someone off waivers to deputise. By virtue of this being an eight-team league, guys like LaMont Jordan and Chester Taylor were never drafted, so there's some potential out there.
Wide Receivers - I think I've hit the jackpot here. Donald Driver and Chad Johnson are my most likely starters, and I'll also be playing Andre Johnson in the flex position, but behind them there's also Mark Clayton, who I'll play if he shows signs of breaking out, and Deion Branch, who will probably be nothing more than an emergency option. Still, there are innumerable options here; for instance, Clayton is going up against a Cincinnati defense that was, not to put too fine a point on it, shit last year whereas Driver is apparently playing through an injury. Everybody loves interchangability.
Tight Ends - I've joined everyone in the California area in praying that Alex Smith and Vernon Davis develop the best chemistry in the league because I went with Davis ahead of guys like Tony Gonzalez and Alge Crumpler, both formerly top tight ends before real life intervened to cripple their fantasy value (although in Crumpler's case, he's not so useless that I didn't draft him myself; those passes from Harrington have to go somewhere, and it sure as hell won't be Joe Horn). I might not need two tight ends, but if it turns out Harrington isn't completely useless I win.
Kicker - The leitmotif for this team has been to avoid picking players I've already drafted elsewhere; it's fallen short once or twice, with Rivers and Addai, but on the whole I'm not displeased with that. To that end, I picked Olindo Mare to kick for me, which is actually a bit of a stretch here - eight teams means only about ten kickers were picked, and the question is whether or not Mare is a top-ten kicker. I say he is mostly because of the quality of his offensive surroundings, but evidently others disagreed.
Defensive Unit - In a similar vein to above, I drafted Pittsburgh's defense, although this time all of my others had gone before. I'd narrowed the choices down to Pittsburgh, Seattle and Jacksonville, and only went with the Steelers because they have the weakest division when it comes to offense. With my last pick, however, I did also take Oakland's defense as well because I like the Raiders, dammit.
Tuesday, 4 September 2007
Team #5 Part Two - The Swiss Army Soldiers
Quarterbacks - One of the reasons the Gore/Henry mistake is so tragic is that I might have the best team in the entire league if things go right. Case in point, I took Philip Rivers in round 4, confident he can be a bonafide starter, and backed him up with Steve McNair later on; it's not a duo that springs out at you, but it's possibly the second-top one out of the twelve teams playing, only rivalled by a Vince Young/Donovan McNabb pairing. I've been told since that Rivers in 4 was a reach, but it's a reach prompted by Tony Romo being drafted at the end of the third round. I might have been able to get him in round 5, but my fifth round pick was T.J. Houshmandzadeh so I'm not complaining at all.
Running Backs - Urgh. Those two, plus the hastily-drafted Brandon Jackson and Greg Jones. Next.
Wide Receivers - OK, this I love. I think I may have one of, if not the best receiving corps in this league. Reggie Wayne and Hooch are going to start for me every week, while Reggie Brown, Brandon Jones and Greg Jennings will be played according to matchups each week. I know a lot of people are enthusing about James Jones for the Packers, who I like mostly because he shares his name with my cousin, but I think starting him would be a mistake for Brett Favre and his band of retirement-home-dodgers. He should really play a slot role like Anthony Gonzalez will in Indy, but what do I know? And why I am asking questions? Nobody's here to answer them.
Tight Ends - TODD HEAP TODD HEAP TODD HEAP. I was told I reached for Toddley when I took him in round 6, but the person who told me that drafted Tony Gonzalez one pick before so what does he know?
Kickers - Stephen Gostkowski was my pick, and I'm surprised he lasted so long. Considering he'll get all manner of extra-points to kick and more than a bucketful of field goals as well, you'd think he'd have been taken earlier. But as always, the stupid are there to be exploited (which was adopted as my family motto in 1812).
Defense - The Broncos' unit got a boost when Simeon Rice signed for them, proving once again that Tampa Bay are retarded in all manner of ways. When a pass rusher can still play, what kind of moronic retard would rel-oh wait, they're owned by the Glazers. Now I can expand my hatred of United to "all Glazer-related products". Good times.
Running Backs - Urgh. Those two, plus the hastily-drafted Brandon Jackson and Greg Jones. Next.
Wide Receivers - OK, this I love. I think I may have one of, if not the best receiving corps in this league. Reggie Wayne and Hooch are going to start for me every week, while Reggie Brown, Brandon Jones and Greg Jennings will be played according to matchups each week. I know a lot of people are enthusing about James Jones for the Packers, who I like mostly because he shares his name with my cousin, but I think starting him would be a mistake for Brett Favre and his band of retirement-home-dodgers. He should really play a slot role like Anthony Gonzalez will in Indy, but what do I know? And why I am asking questions? Nobody's here to answer them.
Tight Ends - TODD HEAP TODD HEAP TODD HEAP. I was told I reached for Toddley when I took him in round 6, but the person who told me that drafted Tony Gonzalez one pick before so what does he know?
Kickers - Stephen Gostkowski was my pick, and I'm surprised he lasted so long. Considering he'll get all manner of extra-points to kick and more than a bucketful of field goals as well, you'd think he'd have been taken earlier. But as always, the stupid are there to be exploited (which was adopted as my family motto in 1812).
Defense - The Broncos' unit got a boost when Simeon Rice signed for them, proving once again that Tampa Bay are retarded in all manner of ways. When a pass rusher can still play, what kind of moronic retard would rel-oh wait, they're owned by the Glazers. Now I can expand my hatred of United to "all Glazer-related products". Good times.
Team #5 - I Am The Dumbest Man Alive
Picking at #6 in a twelve-team draft, I had my eye on a couple of obvious players. One was Rudi Johnson, whom I like because he's very, very consistent; another was Shaun Alexander, who I'd pick because he'd have fallen sufficiently from his projected #4 overall status. I guessed that if Alexander wasn't available, Johnson would be, so I'd be set. However, I hadn't reckoned with the owner of ZipZapZwee, who was autodrafting and had the third overall pick - namely, I hadn't reckoned with him being Brian Westbrook's prison bitch because the man picked him there. The response was a collective ":o", and I was pleased because the odds of Alexander falling to me had just shot up. Joseph Addai was pick #4 and Peyton Manning #5, and I was poised to choose Alexander when something hit me; Frank Gore's name was still on the board. In a thoroughly retarded panic, I started hammering at the "draft" button with the fury of an angry god and ignored all else.
The second round rolled on with less surprises; Reggie Bush and Maurice Jones-Drew were both picked, as were Chad Johnson and Torry Holt, and in keeping with my strategy of picking a pair of running backs, I selected Travis Henry, who I have to admit will perform even in Denver. I was rather chuffed come the later rounds, as a combination of stupid decisions had helped me rack up a formidable collection of skill players as well as the Denver defense; it was then that I made the mistake that will haunt me for as long as I play this cruel pseudo-sport. I looked at the bye weeks. Those of you who happen to know this information will have got the joke, but to clarify - Travis Henry and Frank Gore both have a bye Week 6.
I will be without my two star running backs come Week 6.
Oh my God I am so very, very stupid.
The second round rolled on with less surprises; Reggie Bush and Maurice Jones-Drew were both picked, as were Chad Johnson and Torry Holt, and in keeping with my strategy of picking a pair of running backs, I selected Travis Henry, who I have to admit will perform even in Denver. I was rather chuffed come the later rounds, as a combination of stupid decisions had helped me rack up a formidable collection of skill players as well as the Denver defense; it was then that I made the mistake that will haunt me for as long as I play this cruel pseudo-sport. I looked at the bye weeks. Those of you who happen to know this information will have got the joke, but to clarify - Travis Henry and Frank Gore both have a bye Week 6.
I will be without my two star running backs come Week 6.
Oh my God I am so very, very stupid.
Monday, 3 September 2007
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer,You Kick Ass
Speaking of stupid decisions, someone elected to buy into the Jacoby Jones hype, picking him up from waivers and full intends to start him come Week One; it might pay off, but sunflowers might also grow from my nose. The player in question has Shaun Alexander and Koolaid Maroney as his halfbacks, but believes that Jones is good enough to warrant dropping Julius Jones. Like I said, stupid decisions are decisions I am happy to take advantage of, so I dropped Oakland's defense for him - I have San Diego, so I'm not worried.
But that's not what this is about. I'm here to pay tribute to one of the most underrated players o the league, a man who has just retired. Ole Gunnar Solskjaer will best be remembered for coming off the bench in the 1999 Champion's League final to score for Manchester United and either win them the game or tie it up, I can't remember which, and like I said, he's just retired. With him goes class not often seen in this environment of Chelsea and Arsenal acting like faggots and an impressive set of principles - he could easily have ditched United when he ceased to be a starter, but instead he was happy to stay and be the substitute to end all substitutes. It's a rare occasion you'll find someone willing to do this or their team - and don't quote Peyton Manning restructuring his contract as being something like this; it may be restructured, but he's still earning the same amount as ever so there's no real sacrifice there.
But that's not what this is about. I'm here to pay tribute to one of the most underrated players o the league, a man who has just retired. Ole Gunnar Solskjaer will best be remembered for coming off the bench in the 1999 Champion's League final to score for Manchester United and either win them the game or tie it up, I can't remember which, and like I said, he's just retired. With him goes class not often seen in this environment of Chelsea and Arsenal acting like faggots and an impressive set of principles - he could easily have ditched United when he ceased to be a starter, but instead he was happy to stay and be the substitute to end all substitutes. It's a rare occasion you'll find someone willing to do this or their team - and don't quote Peyton Manning restructuring his contract as being something like this; it may be restructured, but he's still earning the same amount as ever so there's no real sacrifice there.
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