Wednesday 5 September 2007

Team #6 - I Am The Second Dumbest Man Alive (Team E.B.E.)

God seems to like me. Apparently, He was not pleased by my declaration that I was the stupidest person on His Earth, and so He confounded someone enough to give them that title. The Swiss Army Soldiers will be without Frank Gore and Travis Henry come week 6; the owner of GryphonRiders, who will incidentally be facing my team week 6, will be missing Gore, Javon Walker, Peyton Manning, Reggie Wayne and Roy Williams. Consider also that we start two wide receivers, one quarterback, two running backs and a wide receiver/running back flex option - at the moment, GryphonRiders is starting every one of those players. I will be without my two running backs, he will be without his top three receivers, his stud quarterback and his stud running back.

I will happily give up my title, he's clearly the dumbest man alive.

Quarterbacks - Although I am still in the running. I'd stacked up a couple of quarterbacks on the queue list so I'd be ready for my pick when I was called down to empty the dishwasher. I was as fast and as slapdash as I could be - I even broke a glass - but when I got back up here, the horrible truth was clear. I'd been given Marc Bulger in the fourth round, which I have no problems with, but then been slapped with Philip Rivers in the fifth. When I say I cursed up a storm, I mean a storm like no other, a storm on par with Katrina, something to make sailors weep into their pillows. It may have been an overreaction, but goddamn I was pissed. On later reflection, it wasn't as bad as I'd originally assumed; sure, it was a wasted pick, but it means I get to play the matchups with two legitimate starters. And that's not blind optimism or desperate reassurance talking, trust me.

Running Backs - With the fourth pick, I was guaranteed one of the bitching backs, but I hadn't counted on the player behind "Iron Men" having a mild stroke and thinking Rudi Johnson was too good to overlook at the third pick. Hence, I got my choice of Joe Addai and Frank Gore - I toyed with throwing everyone another curveball and choosing Shaun Alexander, but common sense won out in the end and I picked Addai. To go with him is Maurice Jones-Drew to put together an effective pairing with different bye weeks, which was of course the only thing I was interested in. I only have the one depth back, Brandon Jackson, because my later picks went towards receivers rather than backs; if push comes to shove I can probably prise a back away from somewhere else or get someone off waivers to deputise. By virtue of this being an eight-team league, guys like LaMont Jordan and Chester Taylor were never drafted, so there's some potential out there.

Wide Receivers - I think I've hit the jackpot here. Donald Driver and Chad Johnson are my most likely starters, and I'll also be playing Andre Johnson in the flex position, but behind them there's also Mark Clayton, who I'll play if he shows signs of breaking out, and Deion Branch, who will probably be nothing more than an emergency option. Still, there are innumerable options here; for instance, Clayton is going up against a Cincinnati defense that was, not to put too fine a point on it, shit last year whereas Driver is apparently playing through an injury. Everybody loves interchangability.

Tight Ends - I've joined everyone in the California area in praying that Alex Smith and Vernon Davis develop the best chemistry in the league because I went with Davis ahead of guys like Tony Gonzalez and Alge Crumpler, both formerly top tight ends before real life intervened to cripple their fantasy value (although in Crumpler's case, he's not so useless that I didn't draft him myself; those passes from Harrington have to go somewhere, and it sure as hell won't be Joe Horn). I might not need two tight ends, but if it turns out Harrington isn't completely useless I win.

Kicker - The leitmotif for this team has been to avoid picking players I've already drafted elsewhere; it's fallen short once or twice, with Rivers and Addai, but on the whole I'm not displeased with that. To that end, I picked Olindo Mare to kick for me, which is actually a bit of a stretch here - eight teams means only about ten kickers were picked, and the question is whether or not Mare is a top-ten kicker. I say he is mostly because of the quality of his offensive surroundings, but evidently others disagreed.

Defensive Unit - In a similar vein to above, I drafted Pittsburgh's defense, although this time all of my others had gone before. I'd narrowed the choices down to Pittsburgh, Seattle and Jacksonville, and only went with the Steelers because they have the weakest division when it comes to offense. With my last pick, however, I did also take Oakland's defense as well because I like the Raiders, dammit.

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