There Is Something Deeply, Deeply Flawed In This World

Cincinnati scoring 38 points is not a shocker, nor is Carson Palmer throwing five touchdowns - against the porous Browns defence, anything less would have been the surprise. Thing is, there's only one way to explain Cleveland scoring 51 points in a single game, Jamal Lewis running for over two hundred yards in a single game and Derek Anderson also throwing five touchdown passes all occurring in the same game, but I can't see the Four Horsemen riding down my street so I'm fucking stumped. But that's not all going on in this world tonight - Houston beat Carolina 34-21, Tampa Bay won over New Orleans 31-14 and Green Bay smacked the shit out of the Giants 35-13. I may actually have to kill myself now, because I'm not sure I want to live in a world where Cleveland can score more than fifty points without getting a 30-point headstart.

Ole Gunnar Solskjaer,You Kick Ass

Speaking of stupid decisions, someone elected to buy into the Jacoby Jones hype, picking him up from waivers and full intends to start him come Week One; it might pay off, but sunflowers might also grow from my nose. The player in question has Shaun Alexander and Koolaid Maroney as his halfbacks, but believes that Jones is good enough to warrant dropping Julius Jones. Like I said, stupid decisions are decisions I am happy to take advantage of, so I dropped Oakland's defense for him - I have San Diego, so I'm not worried.

But that's not what this is about. I'm here to pay tribute to one of the most underrated players o the league, a man who has just retired. Ole Gunnar Solskjaer will best be remembered for coming off the bench in the 1999 Champion's League final to score for Manchester United and either win them the game or tie it up, I can't remember which, and like I said, he's just retired. With him goes class not often seen in this environment of Chelsea and Arsenal acting like faggots and an impressive set of principles - he could easily have ditched United when he ceased to be a starter, but instead he was happy to stay and be the substitute to end all substitutes. It's a rare occasion you'll find someone willing to do this or their team - and don't quote Peyton Manning restructuring his contract as being something like this; it may be restructured, but he's still earning the same amount as ever so there's no real sacrifice there.

Woo Woo Join The Crosby Bandwagon

Sadly, it seems Crosby has become the new Manning when it comes to last names. People see the name Manning and have spasticated fits in some sort of retarded effort to be associated with it; fantasy football players invest virtual trillions just to get Eli Manning to disappoint and underperform for their time while Philip Rivers is left out in the rain until someone throws him the equivalent of a pity fuck at which point Philly Cheese Steak takes over and ROCKS YOUR WORLD. And the Mannings are all hicks. I heard today that Cooper Manning - a.k.a. the Stephen Baldwin of football - sells insurance, and while I know America loves Southern accents, I would not buy insurance (or anything) from someone who I cannot understand. Aside from Peyton, the entire Manning family are one big cockholster, this is an undeniable fact, and until Eli wins a Super Bowl ring he will be the biggest of them all. Furthermore, Meg Manning has nothing to do with the Mannings but has to do with Veronica Mars, and she is the rule that proves the rule because she is the very archetype of the snooty bitch you always wanted to give a good solid punt right in the cooter to. Season 2 Meg, at least, season 1 Meg was a sweetheart. And I just used sweetheart, goddamn that's gay.

But anyway. Mason Crosby just won the Green Bay Packers' kicker job despite only being a rookie and it has therefore provoked a veritable mental hospital of retards tripping over their own shit to dump their thousand-point-scoring players just so they can have a Crosby on their roster. I know he's of no relation to Sidney Crosby, who I have at least a grudging respect for - he may be a whining pussy and he may play in Pittsburgh, but that mo'fucka (as they say on da streetz) got game. Or got skillz, whichever works better. Also, he can never be the ugliest Penguin as long as Evgeni Malkin plays for them. Mason, on the other hand, has a stupid first name and the world's gayest nickname - "THE CLEATED CRUSHER".

THE. CLEATED. CRUSHER.

Forget that cleats is just a stupid word for boots for a second and marvel at the absolute faggotry on display here. That is not a nickname, that is pure, distilled moron. You could tap that and brew Moron Juice and sell it to other morons. And people are picking him up. One guy dropped David Akers for him, an act that probably did make the AK-74 cry himself to sleep. I know Andrei Kirilinko stole the AK-47 nickname, but fuck him, the AK-74 is a better gun and AK-74 himself is a better player. So everybody leap on the Crosby bandwaggon and be swift about it because soon another name will come along and you'll be left behind