Team #4 - The London Knights

Like the Deity Destroyers, the Knights are in the first year of a keeper league, but unlike them, the Knights are going to get fucking destroyed this year. They're in a ten-team league for which I managed to miss the draft for, and so they're below the calibre of the others - for instance, the team we've got in the first week managed to finagle Frank Gore, Philip Rivers, Willis McGahee, Larry Fitzgerald, Reggie Brown, Jeremy Shockey, Adam Vinatieri and Adalius Thomas into their starting lineup. For contrast, these are the Knights:

Quarterbacks - The autodraft machine, in it's infinite wisdom, elected to supply me with three different quarterbacks who all share a bye week; Jay Cutler, Ben Roflsberger and J.P. Dropped. I hear that since Roflsberger - which will remain his name from here on out because it's easier to spell - is in a contract year and Santonio Holmes has had time to bed in in Pittsburgh, we should see his production increase to 2005 levels. If indeed this happens, I'll let Famine know to start playing the matchups between him and Cutler while I'm trampled by the other three horsemen. As it stands, Cutler is my best option, which pains me because he's only got one stud receiver and, of course, is a Bronco. J.P. Dropped is so very very dropped, I have a waiver claim pending for the aforementioned Santonio Holmes and if it goes through Dropped will be dropped.

Running Backs - Willie Parker was my first-round pick, which will violate my edict of not playing two or more players from the same team sooner or later, when I'm pushed into playing Roflsberger, but as far as backs go it could be plenty worse. Behind him, unfortunately, is Ronnie Brown - usually, you might not think of him as a "aw crap it's him" player, but take a serious look at the rest of the Dolphins' offense and get back to me. Chester Taylor was apparently drafted in 86% of the leagues, which is odd because I still don't know what his role in Minnesota is - he's my third back at the moment, with LaMont Jordan on official triple-secret probation until Oakland has more touchdowns than LaDainian Tomlinson at any point in the season. I'm not joking here, the moment LT outscores Oakland is the moment Jordan disappears from my starting lineup.

Wide Receivers - Shockingly decent. Torry Holt somehow dropped to me in the fourth round (pick #32 overall. For comparison, Javon Walker was drafted with pick #31 and Lee Evans with pick #33), and Laveranues Coles joined him in the sixth round, not a bad state of affairs assuming Chad Pennington (or Kellen Clemens) performs to the best of his (or her) ability. I originally had Chris Chambers, but he was kicked out faster than a toilet stop in rattlesnake country to make room for the undrafted Vincent Jackson, a trade I consider to be more than useful.

Tight Ends - I actually have a bit of a dilemma here. I have Kellen Winslow and Owen Daniels, the latter of whom went undrafted, and neither seems like a bonafide starter. Winslow has a huge amount of Fantasy points to his name - 249.29, more than everyone else except Ronnie Brown - but plays in Cleveland with an old back, a crap offensive line, a mediocre set of quarterbacks and only Braylon Edwards to take the heat off him. Daniels has a decent quarterback, a shit offensive line and a mediocre running back. I'll probably end up going with the matchups and crying when it doesn't work, but this is a really weird situation.

Kicker - Nate Kaeding in an interesting state of affairs that sees kickers like Matt Stover stay undrafted. I've half a mind to pick up Stover and play the matchups with him and Kaeding, because Stover is basically money within the 35-yard line and even the 40-yard line, depending on whether I'm in full "RAVENS MOTHERFUCKER DEFENSE GONNA EAT YOUR CHILDREN BITCH" mode or not when you ask me. Which I almost certainly will be, because you try leaving your children outside and see how quickly they get turned into the next post-game meal.

Defense - The league doesn't play team defenses, but at the same time only allows one defensive player to be played of three. Will Witherspoon is my linebacker, Charles Tillman my defensive back and some guy in New Orleans my defensive lineman, but Tillman is about to be dropped for Adrian Wilson. Yes, the same Adrian Wilson hailed as the best defensive player in the NFC East. Someone was dumb enough to drop him for D.J. Williams, I guess it DOES take all sorts.

Team #1 - The Second Letter Saints

A stupid name for a stupid team. Except the name kicks ass and the team is bitching, so fuck yeah Saints. There is a story behind the name, but this time it IS a stupid story – it doesn’t have any sex in it, so it’s a bad story. So the Saints were the team I was awake to draft, so it is less tailed to depth at the traditional positions, and probably looks like it sucks.

Quarterbacks – Tom Brady starts, after being picked in the first round (pick #10 overall, between Larry Johnson and Joseph Addai), and he’s backed up by Matt Leinart (pick #111 overall, two picks after Matt Schaub and ten after Eli Manning. That name really has some influence). It’s probably the best quarterback duo in the league, rivalled only by the Peyton Manning/Philip Rivers pairing of Azbound07, but I’m naturally biased so I say I win on this front. However, Leinart is on the block because I'm not going to bench Brady any time except Week 10; as a potential replacement for him, I also took the liberty of picking up J.P. Losman, who will have to be Brady's bye-week replacement.

Running Backs – The starters are Willis McGahee (pick #15 overall, picked before Reggie Bush and Lawrence Maroney, which could well come back to bite me in the ass) and Marshawn Lynch (pick #63 overall, also the first rookie to be picked), which is a fairly serviceable pair. I stand by Buffalo’s pisspoor offensive line as the reason McGahee never lived up to his potential, but if that’s true, it should mean Lynch will have problems himself…bad logic is all the rage in the West End, I hear. If things go right, McGahee will kick ass behind Baltimore’s O-line and Lynch will fulfil the predictions of being the most NFL-ready rookie of the ’07 draft class; if they go wrong, on the other hand, McGahee will tank and Lynch will get pounded into the mud. To make matters worse, the #3 rusher is Lorenzo Booker, a man who’s not even the starter for his club. Sure, he might end up splitting carries with Ronnie Brown, but he’s not exactly the best bye-week replacement. Basically, if either Willis or Marshawn get injured or suck, I’m fucked up the ass. This all said, there are a number of free agents halfbacks who could and probably will replace Booker, so who knows.

Wide Receivers – I’m lucky enough to have a #1 receiver and a #1A receiver to play about with, those being Larry Fitzgerald (pick #34 overall) and Andre Johnson (pick #39 overall). Unfortunately, from there it gets a little murkier – I have Sidney Rice and Reche Caldwell, one of whom I have to play alongside Fitty and Andre. It’s not exactly a problem, because they’re both playable, but there you go. The halfback situation sucks, the receiver one does not. Of course, Week 10 will be a headache because both Andre and Caldwell are out on byes.

Tight Ends – Randy McMichael (pick #82 overall) is the only one I have. I did draft Owen Daniels as well, but I think I dropped him to pick up Rice. McMichael does have to fight for receptions alongside Drew Bennett, Isaac Bruce and Torry Holt, but about six hundred yards and a handful of scores is a good score for any tight end.

Kicker – Adam Vinatieri (pick #87 overall). Adam Goddamn Vinatieri. That’s all I need to say. Of course, he may inadvertently have been traded for Robbie Gould, I don’t know yet, but that’s not exactly a crippling loss.

Defensive Units – The Chargers’ unit (pick #58 overall) is the starting one for obvious reasons; it’s one of the Big Five (the others, if you’re interested, are Baltimore, Chicago, Pittsburgh and New England). Backing them up are Oakland’s defense, cue the screams of horror at picking an Oakland player. I was as surprised as anyone to find that Oakland actually were a good team defensively last year, mostly because they sucked balls going forward.