Ness, We Hardly Knew Ye

So the current rumour going around is that one of the Original Twelve (it's like the NHL's Original Six, but twice as good. 6 * 2 = 12, you see.) from Super Smash Brothers is going to be cut for the upcoming se-sequel, Super Smash Brothers Brawl, and the expected target is one of Jigglypuff, Ness and Luigi. The news that Ness was included in this list made a little part of me die inside, especially since it was followed by the speculation that the Mother/Earthbound series would be represented by Mother 3's protagonist, Lucas. This would, of course, be a giant "lol u" to everyone outside Japan, since Mother 3 was only released there - the chances of it being translated for American sale is tiny already, making the chance of an English release as likely as Satan being let back into Heaven - but that's neither here nor there. My complaint is with cutting Ness and cutting Ness alone.

See, I play Ness. I played him in the original, by virtue of getting my cartridge used and having him (and the other characters besides) already unlocked when I first played it, and so I naturally played it in the sequel. He was significantly de-powered in the switch from the N64 to the Gamecube, but I persevered because Earthbound holds the title as "Best Console Game" in my eyes - it would be "Best Game Period" were it not for Fallout 2. Losing him would be a metaphorical kick in the pills with a steel-toed jackboot, hence my hissy fit at the possibility. To cut Ness when there are innumerable clones that could be removed is worse than stupidity, it is sacrilege. Maybe that's overstating it a little, but fuck you this is my tantrum.

Clones, for those of you unaware, are characters who play in a very similar or the same way as an existing character. Falco is a clone of Fox, for example - there are slight differences between the two, such as Fox's blaster attack being automatic (to put it real world terms) but having no stopping power, whereas Falco's blaster is semi-automatic but stops the opponent when it hits, but at their core the two are the same. Doctor Mario is a nearly-identical clone of Mario, so much so that all that would be needed to create Doctor Mario is to take a sprite of Mario and make a few aesthetic adjustments. He's basically a costume change. If anybody read this but me, I'd wager the Smash Brothers fanatics would call me a henchman of the Devil for daring to claim such, but that's a moot point at best.

To summarise - Lucas can suck on a cactus while Ness rocks (THE FUCK) out to More Than A Feeling.