Bye Bye Unbeaten Records

Second Letter Saints 105 - 121 Indy Shredders - The first of presumably many division games in the Happy Drunks leagues ends with an unpleasant loss thanks to Marshawn Lynch getting snuffed out by Pittsburgh, San Diego's defence being shat on by Tom Brady, LaMont Jordan having ANOTHER fucking great game and Larry Fitzgerald being touchdown-less. Even Brady himself can't carry a team. I keep spelling Jordan's first name as "LaMonth". It must be a sign.

The Spanish Inquisition 80 - 114 Mapleton Dragons - Urgh. None of my three receivers broke a hundred yards or had a touchdown, and the Eagles got smacked down by Washington. I think that's all I need to say on that front.

Swiss Army Soldiers 109 - 112 Mike ConVick - So it's down to the last game of week 2, Washington and Philadelphia. The score sits at 107-112, with the last player on the board being Reggie Brown. If he has sixty yards receiving or a touchdown of any length, I'll win. The Redskins have a fairly weak set of corners, so I figure this should be a chipshot. He has 27 yards and loses me the game. If I'd started Brandon Jones in his place, the score would be 112-112.

London Knights 89.49 - 103.3 Earl Campbell EXPRESS - Maurice Jones-Drew continues to disappoint everyone up to and including Al Gore, mainly because LaMonth scored triple his points this week (15.9 compared to 5.1 for Nancy). Santonio Holmes didn't do me any favours either. Or Nate Kaeding. But mostly, the thing that killed me was Antonio Gates, Jerricho Cotchery, Marc Bulger, Marques Colston...basically everyone not on my team.

Christ Punchers 145.02 - 159.22 SJSM - In my defence, when I drafted most of these players I knew this team was going to be horrible this year. I'm keeping Tom Brady and Calvin Johnson at least, and almost certainly Steven Jackson as well (it depends where I finish. If I have the first overall pick come next year's draft, I may not keep him and see who else is left).

Team E.B.E. 118 - 107 Total Badasses - The Entities are the only team of mine to stay 2-0, and for that I have the Johnsons to thank. Cleveland's near-retarded defence gave up 32 points to Ocho Cinco, and Carolina's somehow dropped their guard long enough for Andre to pick up 24 himself - that's 56 points between two receivers, for those of you counting at home, and if you are your loneli-wait, I think I've heard this before. Of course, Nancy worked his/her magic here, doing his/her damndest to make us lose, but the Johnsons and Donald Driver toiled like pack horses to expunge such sissiness from the Entities. Then I find out Andre will probably be out next week, which is the biggest load of cunt ever.

Team #1 - The Second Letter Saints

A stupid name for a stupid team. Except the name kicks ass and the team is bitching, so fuck yeah Saints. There is a story behind the name, but this time it IS a stupid story – it doesn’t have any sex in it, so it’s a bad story. So the Saints were the team I was awake to draft, so it is less tailed to depth at the traditional positions, and probably looks like it sucks.

Quarterbacks – Tom Brady starts, after being picked in the first round (pick #10 overall, between Larry Johnson and Joseph Addai), and he’s backed up by Matt Leinart (pick #111 overall, two picks after Matt Schaub and ten after Eli Manning. That name really has some influence). It’s probably the best quarterback duo in the league, rivalled only by the Peyton Manning/Philip Rivers pairing of Azbound07, but I’m naturally biased so I say I win on this front. However, Leinart is on the block because I'm not going to bench Brady any time except Week 10; as a potential replacement for him, I also took the liberty of picking up J.P. Losman, who will have to be Brady's bye-week replacement.

Running Backs – The starters are Willis McGahee (pick #15 overall, picked before Reggie Bush and Lawrence Maroney, which could well come back to bite me in the ass) and Marshawn Lynch (pick #63 overall, also the first rookie to be picked), which is a fairly serviceable pair. I stand by Buffalo’s pisspoor offensive line as the reason McGahee never lived up to his potential, but if that’s true, it should mean Lynch will have problems himself…bad logic is all the rage in the West End, I hear. If things go right, McGahee will kick ass behind Baltimore’s O-line and Lynch will fulfil the predictions of being the most NFL-ready rookie of the ’07 draft class; if they go wrong, on the other hand, McGahee will tank and Lynch will get pounded into the mud. To make matters worse, the #3 rusher is Lorenzo Booker, a man who’s not even the starter for his club. Sure, he might end up splitting carries with Ronnie Brown, but he’s not exactly the best bye-week replacement. Basically, if either Willis or Marshawn get injured or suck, I’m fucked up the ass. This all said, there are a number of free agents halfbacks who could and probably will replace Booker, so who knows.

Wide Receivers – I’m lucky enough to have a #1 receiver and a #1A receiver to play about with, those being Larry Fitzgerald (pick #34 overall) and Andre Johnson (pick #39 overall). Unfortunately, from there it gets a little murkier – I have Sidney Rice and Reche Caldwell, one of whom I have to play alongside Fitty and Andre. It’s not exactly a problem, because they’re both playable, but there you go. The halfback situation sucks, the receiver one does not. Of course, Week 10 will be a headache because both Andre and Caldwell are out on byes.

Tight Ends – Randy McMichael (pick #82 overall) is the only one I have. I did draft Owen Daniels as well, but I think I dropped him to pick up Rice. McMichael does have to fight for receptions alongside Drew Bennett, Isaac Bruce and Torry Holt, but about six hundred yards and a handful of scores is a good score for any tight end.

Kicker – Adam Vinatieri (pick #87 overall). Adam Goddamn Vinatieri. That’s all I need to say. Of course, he may inadvertently have been traded for Robbie Gould, I don’t know yet, but that’s not exactly a crippling loss.

Defensive Units – The Chargers’ unit (pick #58 overall) is the starting one for obvious reasons; it’s one of the Big Five (the others, if you’re interested, are Baltimore, Chicago, Pittsburgh and New England). Backing them up are Oakland’s defense, cue the screams of horror at picking an Oakland player. I was as surprised as anyone to find that Oakland actually were a good team defensively last year, mostly because they sucked balls going forward.